AmusementStuck
by JessyDarlink
Summary: Alternately Titled: WHY ARE ALL THESE RIDES MADE FOR TALL HUMANIODS Alternately Titled: Why Oh Why Do You Trust Dave Strider. No, seriously, your name is Karkat Vantas and you are sort of regretting this outing. Note: Rating Changed, Description Changed
1. IS THIS A TEST

**AmusementStuck**

**Alternately Titled: WHY THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE RIDES MADE FOR TALL-ASS FUCKING HUMANOIDS **

**Alternately Titled: A Day With Karkat Vantas**

**(I am just a master at these awesome titles.) **

**This is basically going to be somewhat of a drabble fic, depicting the various adventures our "hero"-er...protagonist, Karkat Vantas has in an amusment park with our very own Dave Strider, with various romantic implications. This is also for my friend, Chelsea, who likes Davekat enough to almost be her OTP. I hope I do them right haha. Either way, read and review, so I know I'm not doing them too horribly. Also, this is my first attempt at Karkat Vantas, and I swear I didn't even use the word "FUCKASS". I deserve claps and internet cookies. **

_**Adventure #1: GOG FUCKING DAMN IT WHY DID YOU EVEN BOTHER ATTENDING THIS LAME ATTEMPT AT A FRIENDLY OUTING ALL IT IS GOING TO DO IS EMBARASS YOU BEYOND REDEMPTION **_

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you're seriously considering your level of sanity. You know you must be sane, because previous events have none nothing else but to prove how completely and utterly rational and levelheaded you are—but today you feel a bit crazy. Well crazier.

You blame Egbert, oh how you blame Egbert. You blame him so much for your new set of misfortunes that he can do nothing to escape the fury that is you when you get home from this death trap. This death trap of an amusement park. Which by the way, you're attending with DAVE STRIDER, who is, in your opinion the stupidest fuckface in the entire world. Almost as bad as Egbert, but not quite.

Said Strider is staring at you while waiting on line for those fucking little tickets to be stamped with a near expressionless look on his sunglassed face.

And all that can cross your mind is _What the fuck did you get into. _

For one, you've never been to one of these so-called "fun-fests", and from the line, the echoes of screaming humans are enough to make you question why this is fun. Is that a thing? Does everyone like hearing the screams of limitless terror that seems to strike one when they jump on these gravity-defying carts?

Dave is the first to stick the slip of paper that you remember a very zombie-like Egbert handed to the both of you when you went to his house earlier to ensure he wasn't fucking lying his derp head off when he said he was sick-and the paper is eaten by the monstrosity of metal. You watch in confusion as Dave jumps over the barricade that is attached to the ticket-eater, and waits for you on the other side.

After pushing the ticket into the gaping maw of this machine, you stare at the spinning, rotating metal bars that are literally your one step to Dave Strider. Are you supposed to walk through them? God fucking damn it, they look like they're made to give you a beating before you even get into the place.

"IS THIS SOME SORT OF FUCKING TEST, STRIDER?" you ask, confused, twitching to take a step forward or attempt to jump over the bars like Dave just did. The bars seem to ask you 'ARE YOU WORTHY, KARKAT VANTAS, OF STEPPING THROUGH ME?'

Dave cocks up one eyebrow as he looks at you curiously. "What? Just walk through it if you can't jump."

You grit your teeth, preparing for the worst thigh-to-knee beating ever, as you run through the damn test like you didn't have to mentally prepare for it. But you did, so-

"That looked like it was really difficult." Dave says, a hint of sarcasm in his voice-enough to make you want to rip his fucking entrails through his face because he is fucking-

"I WISH THAT ONE OF THESE MAGICAL ANTI-GRAVITY CARTS WOULD DISLODGE FROM ITS PREDETERMINED TRACKS AND FALL RIGHT INTO YOUR _FUCKING FACE." _

"I'm so scared." You can detect a hint of him smiling through your blind rage.

Yes, Egbert's head will roll for not attending this.

**(Yes okay this was rather lame, but it gets more interesting I swear. I just really could not not mention the freaking spinny metal barricades that are like...death traps to anyone who doesn't know you can just walk through them. And Karkat has as much experience as a tree when it comes to getting in and out of these things, I would guess. And Dave would be all like "FUCK DA RULES" and literally jump over it like a BAW5. Also, he has rather long legs so I think it would work.) **

**(expect another chapter by the end of the day, these are rather short, so I can bust them out quickly.) **


	2. IS THIS ANOTHER TEST

**YEAH, SORRY I LIED. I WANTED TO POST YESTERDAY BUT SHIT HAPPENED. So double post today hopefully. **

**Also, technically this is AmusementStuck Adventure #3, but I deleted the segment simply labeled "EVERYONE JUST STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME" because it was just three paragraphs of Karkat not wanting strangers to touch him. Hardly entertaining. Which explains the "**" in the second paragraph. New Headcannon: Karkat doesn't like being touched by sweaty strangers. **

**I would like to make a special request for my reviewers this week. You know I'm always trying to make everyone laugh, so if there was a particular line that made you giggle, can you please tell me? Because I giggle way too much when I write this and I'm curious to see if I'm a weirdo.  
**

* * *

**AmusementStuck Adventure #2: I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S SHORT YOU NOOKSUCKING PIECE OF FUCK **

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and HOLY FREAKING FUCK IF YOU DON'T GET OFF THIS LINE YOU ARE GOING TO GO CRAZIER THAN CHARLIE SHEEN ON TRANQUILIZERS.

Well this may be as bad as the last time you freaked out though probably not for the same reason.** No one is touching you except Strider, who's forearm tickled your with light blond hair, which isn't bad.

But you can't take the NEVERENDING WAITING, however, Apparently it was deemed morally acceptable, even entertaining, to standing in lines for hours on end for a chance at death-at least this is what you are gathering propped next to Strider on the Line That Never Moves. The Unstoppable Force that is this line is enough to make you want to scream profanities at little wrigglers.

Your impatience is nothing compared the eventual carnage tsunami that will be you in about five more seconds of being motionless.

Oh wait, now you're moving. There we go. Anger levels receding to somewhat manageable levels, and Strider has managed to scoot along the bars instead of jumping down like you have to, which annoys you slightly. You think he's showing off, especially when it's time to jump off and he does it in perfect fucking form of poise and grace like he was part ballerina instead of half gorilla and half asshole like you thought he was.

He gets off because you have finally made it. To the beacon of mother fucking hope for all these death defyers, which was the last set of lines (separated by row-ugggh) and then the actual fucking death cart on a track. Which, you would like to note, doesn't look as flashy in person as it does feet above you associated with the screams of the populace. More like weak and with the potential of throwing you off like an angry bullfairy.

"What you scared?" Dave questions because no your eyes are not the size of dinner saucers just looking at that thing and hearing the echoes of screams unknown-

"FUCK YOU, AM NOT."

"When you say 'fuck you', I am really inclined to come up with a snappy provocative comeback." says Dave coolly, with a smirk. You note how Dave never really smiles, just smirks.

"HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST FUCKING SHOT, PRICKFACE."

Dave's eyebrows do a wiggle you can see over the edges of his glasses. You feel the urge to facepalm. He opens his mouth, about to whip out something more than a snappy comeback-when a red clad worker bee decided to appearify near them.

"Yes excuse me, I think you're a little too short to go on this ride." said the bee questioningly, looking you over from head to toe.

"Wait what? Are you talking about Karkat?" Dave asks, jutting his thumb towards you, confused.

"NO, HE'S TALKING TO YOU MR.. I-COULD-SHAKE-HANDS-WITH-A-MOTHERFUCKING-SKYSCRAPER." you grumble, "AND NO, I AM NOT TOO SHORT FOR THIS, BECAUSE I FUCKING-"

And then that prick whips out a ruler.

"I_** WILL** _**SHOW** _YOU_ **WHO ****_THE_ _FUCK_IS **_SHORT_ _YOU** GOGDAMNED BAD** EXCUSE FO_R **_A FUCKING_**-"

Dave stifles a laugh in his sleeve.

* * *

And before you can finish your freaking sentence you are on the ride with another worker pushing a metal bar into your chest. And holy fuck is that a hard grip. You can't even fucking breathe properly. "THE FUCK IS THIS?" you ask.

"Would you like to tumble out of this ride? I wasn't even aware of your suicidal tendencies, Karkat." Dave comments smoothly, barely looking uncomfortable though you're pretty sure that bar is so far across his stomach it's probably touching his insidey parts.

"ALRIGHT I GUESS I'D RATHER DIE FUCKING SLOW BY SUFFOCATION RATHER THAN FALLING TO MY DEATH." you try to push back on the bar. It doesn't move. "IS THIS A FUCKING TEST?"

Dave looks at you like you're insane. "Yes, this is a test. They're testing how long you can breathe with a bar in your chest." he says with dripping sarcasm, and an amused expression.

You open your mouth for your own snappy comeback, but you're lurched forward by the cart and suddenly all you can say is, "I HOPE I DON'T FUCKING SCREAM LIKE A TEENAGE HUMAN GIRL."

* * *

"You know, Karkat, there's a special bond that forms when two people go through a traumatic experience together."

"THAT COULD HARDLY BE CONSIDERED TRAUMATIZING."

"You're shaking, and I'm pretty sure you could break glass with the octave you were screaming at. We are now bonded forever. John will be so jealous."

"ALRIGHT. OKAY. YOU AMUSE YOURSELF WITH THESE NOTIONS. ALSO. _FUCK YOU_."

"Here comes my snappy comeback." He pauses for effect. "_Wanna_?"

"STRIDER IF YOU DO NOT SHUT YOUR MOUTH I WILL SHUT IT FOR YOU WITH SOMETHING EXTREMELY PAINFUL." You shout back with a burn in your cheeks.

* * *

**Yes okay finally fluff-er sorta? I TRIED OKAY. Remember, my dear reviewers who I treasure so much, do tell me if you laughed haha... Next drabble by later tonight or tomorrow. And yes, there will be several instances where Karkat will ask "IS THIS A TEST" because yes, everything is testing him. IT MAKES CHELSEA LOL. **

**Coming Up: YES OKAY WHY IS IT SPINNING**


	3. SPINNING TESTS

**I swear I will update Zombiestuck soon. I need to like...**_**actually write it. **_

**AmusementStuck Adventure #3: YES OKAY WHY IS IT SPINNING**

You're still slightly trembling from your last roller coaster by your name is still fucking KARKAT VANTAS and you're still hanging out with DAVE STRIDER, who is gradually becoming more and more appealing to you but you'd rather have your entrails ripped out of your nose than to actually admit that.

Yeah you never fucking said that. Ever. That was also the longest run on sentence ever to pass as an introduction, but _who the fuck cares you are Karkat and this is your POV. _

You're walking together through the ever-crowding park that is somehow not bothering you as much. And Dave is busy pointing out all these other rides, all with various crowds and even more screaming coming from them-and then all of the sudden he stops, throwing his arm out in front of you so you stop walking too as he stares off to some unknown point in the distance.

"DID YOU JUST HAVE A STROKE OR SOMETHING?"

"No. We need to go."

"WHERE."

"To the most badass kiddie ride ever invented."

"IS THIS PART OF YOUR FUCKING IRONIC TENDENCIES?"

"No."

"YOU MEAN YES."

"Yes."

Dave proceeds to grab you by the hand and literally drag you (because yeah _no _you are not walking that fast) through hot and sweaty crowds that really make you want to scream profanities but then you don't and you don't question why and then he finally stops at what he was talking about. By the way, still holding your hand and you are just running out of things to say aren't you.

"THESE ARE SPINNING CUPS."

"Teacups! These are the teacups! Hey, don't you want to be a part of...this random talking teapot's tea party?"

"UMMM, I CAN THINK OF THREE FUCKING REASONS WHY NO I WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE."

"Name one, and then we won't go." he says, looking over at you coolly. Everything about Dave Strider is cool, you should just attach that adjective to every action he does.

"UH-"

"Too late."

And that is how Karkat Vantas got on a six person line consisting of worn down parents and screaming banshee kids for a spinning teacup ride. You blame Egbert. But mostly Dave Strider, because he is _still holding your fucking hand and why did insist on coming here without Egbert-_

* * *

"WHY DO WE HAVE TO GO IN THE PINK ONE?"

"Because the pink one is the best one."

"HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?"

"No one wants to go into it because it's pink. Also, we are men with the ability to get into a pink teacup."

You want to fight this logic but then again, you are fighting over the color of a spinning teacup.

Why he wants in on a spinning teacup you will never fucking understand.

* * *

The story behind the spinning teacup ride is that you are apparently all friends with the mother grub pot in the middle that somehow uses her demonic mechanical skills to spin her friends around in circles-and if you aren't dizzy enough with that motion, there's a circular disc in the middle of your friendly cup that can spin you faster. Also there's music, like some fucking..._carnage carnival. _

Dave likes to be spun.

You think you're gonna puke. Which would be weird because you haven't eaten anything, but everything is just _swirling colors _and _children screaming _and then there's Dave _fucking motionless as fuck and you want to move torwards him and smack his anti-gravity glasses right off his face-_ and then there's the music and you think that mother grub pot is grinning at you, dear gog what is happening-

Dave likes to spin more.

You swear if you had even half of your reflexes you would have ripped off the hand that moved that disc. But you didn't move. You couldn't. And now you are spinning at a speed that you believe is very dangerous and could result in you catapulting out of the teacup. _IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT DAVE STRIDER IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT. _

Were you actually screaming that? How awkward. WELL FUCK HIM. NOT LIKE THAT BUT YEAH HE DESERVES THAT AWKWARD FEELING IN THE PIT OF HIS STOMACH LIKE YOU ARE GETTING NOW.

Dave is spinning and laughing and now you can't see his face.

You are now looking at the ceiling. And there's a painting up there _because? _OF MORE FUCKING FRIENDLY TEACUPS THAT DANCE WITH FACES AND HOLY FUCK YOU'RE HIGH OFF SPINNING. YOU SHOULD TELL GAMZEE IF YOU MAKE IF OFF THIS THING WITH YOUR DIGNITY AND BODY ATTACHED.

And then everything stops.

That's probably the worst part. With no suffocating bar across your body you sprawl over what remaining room is in the teacup meant for six that only has two-the gogdamn pink teacup with the face on it that resembles some sort of Egbert expression... you are running out of things to even think about when everything is just spinning.

"Sup, Karkat. You dead yet?" a nice inquiry from above. The Man With The Unmoving Sunglasses.

"ALMOST THERE STRIDER. ALMOST FUCKING THERE." you mumble into the pink paint that probably has hosted a melee of little children vomit only half washed off with bleach. Ew.

"Was it not the best experience ever?"

"IF BEST EXPERIENCES COULD BE LABLED UNDER 'MOMENTS I THOUGHT I WOULD FLY OUT OF A SPINNING DEMONIC FUCKING TEACUP' THEN YES. YES THAT WAS A GOOD EXPERIENCE."

"Don't worry, Karkat, that's not the best part of the day."

* * *

**Okay yes, I am satisfied. These are the easy chapters. Chapters coming up: **

**4) NO MY HAIR IS NOT FUCKING COTTON CANDY  
5) I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S SHORT YOU NOOKSUCKING PIECE OF FUCK (PART TWO, NOW WITH KIDNEY DAMAGE)  
6) IS THIS BATHROOM A TEST WHY IS EVERYTHING TESTING ME (Probably the hardest one to write for me, I'm terrible at bathroom humor.)  
7) FUCKING TUNNEL OF WHAT NOW (Not the tunnel of love. Okay.)  
8) THERE ARE NOW WORKS OF FIRE**

**These are all temp titles, but basically the rest of the drabbles are planned out. **_**Unless my wonderful little readers could think of something ride related...? **_**I'll be glad to take requests! Either way, have a wonderful day readers!~**


	4. I NEED A COOTIE TEST

**Adventure #4**

**MY HAIR IS NOT FUCKING COTTON CANDY**

**new headcannon: it is possible for Dave Strider to eat any food seductively, any at all.**

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you really need to stop introducing yourself. You're never going to be someone else until you are someone else. (yes that made sense.)

You survived the first roller coaster. You tumbled, half blind, out of a deathtrap known as the spinning teacups.

And now you're hungry. And so is Dave.

So you end up on another fucking LINE, staring up at the menu like you suddenly cannot read English.

"SO HOLD THE FUCK UP, A HAMBURGER IS FIFTEEN DOLLARS?"

"Without condiments."

"THIS IS BULLSHIT."

"Hell yeah it is." Dave replies, "You can't do anything without CONDI-MENTS." More eyebrow lifting. "But I'm here for something specific."

"MORE IRONIC TENDENCIES OR ARE YOU FIXING ON BEING BROKE ASS BY THE END OF THE DAY?" you decide to ignore the condiment pun.

"Aw don't worry Karkat."

"I WASN'T-I WASN'T WORRYING."

"Okay right."

You don't pay attention to what he orders, because you're pretty sure you don't have enough to pay attention too. (HAHAH get it, you don't have enough money to PAY attention? Okay fuck you I get it.)

And your mouth gapes when he pulls away with a bag of pink the size of you. Apparently he invested in the 12 dollar cotton candy.

He responds to the look on your face. "My tummy had the rumblies that only giant bags of sugar could satisfy."

You roll your eyes and spend more than twenty five dollars on a soda and a hamburger, both rivaling in size and price. Both of you retreat to a shady spot in a garden near a shack-like thing that you aren't sure what the purpose is. You probably aren't supposed to sit there but who the fuck cares. Dave is sprawled out, his legs out in front of him and the cotton candy bag in his lap. And since there wasn't a lot of room between him and the prickly bush you of course had to squeeze between Dave and the bush. You're half pressed against Dave to avoid being stabbed, in the same position with a hamburger in your lap and not a fuck was given that afternoon.

Out of the corner of your eye you watch as Dave takes a chunk of the cotton candy into his hand. Instead of popping this into his mouth like a normal fucking person, he rolls it in between his hands and begins to shape it.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING."

"This is how I eat cotton candy." he replies as his fingers nimbly add a swoop in front, with triangles sticking up near the back. His fingernail presses on what you guess is the face with a downward curve.

"Look it's Karkat."

"YOU CARVED MY FACE OUT OF COTTON CANDY?"

"Somewhat. I don't think you're really all this lumpy and pink, but i tried."

You are really confused as to the meaning of all this, but Dave looks as serious as ever. Intent on destroying the evidence, he starts to run his tongue all over the surface.

What. WHAT. WHY DOESN'T HE JUST PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH?

You try to stutter out something but all that comes out is "WHY ARE YOU FUCKING LICKING THE COTTON CANDY VERSION OF ME?"

He smirks, giving it another lick. It is now the color of your cheeks minus the gray tint. How fucking awkward.

"SO YOU LIKE COVERING-"

"Don't finish that sentence."

You grumble for another moment as finally Dave just eats the thing, finally ending the whole spit covered face refs.

"You want some candy?"

"OH FUCKING JOY, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I BEEN ASKED THAT QUESTION?"

"Depends, do you have a history of being lured into vans?" he offers you the bag. "Can I have a sip of your soda?"

You glare at him.

"I don't have fucking cooties, Karkat." he states before you switch, you getting a bag in your lap and losing your soda.

You are now determined to do the same thing Dave did to you. Embarrass him as he did you, in his weird face licking way.

You rip off a chunk of cotton candy and pack it together like Dave did, adding hair and an extra piece that was supposed to act as his sunglasses.

"LOOK, A FUCKING MASTERPIECE."

"Is that me?" he asks, having watched you the whole time.

"SURE."

"Alright then, eat me."

"WHAT."

"I'm not going to eat myself."

"THE HELL YOU ARE." You push it to him, and he opens his mouth as if you were gonna put it there. Your face is still pink, but you feed it to him anyway, careful to not stick your hand in his mouth.

Oh how awkward.

He smiles as he chews, a real genuine smile. "Here's your soda back."

"YOU FUCKING FINISHED IT...WHATEVER." you sigh, throwing the container aside, inadvertently moving into Dave as you try to choke down your hockey puck burger.

Seriously not a fuck was given that afternoon.

**(Yes more stupid fluff. The next chapter will only be a few paragraphs at most... Either way, reviewers did you laugh? And by a few paragraphs, I mean it might be another double post day, though I don't know if I'll be able to, got a band concert.) **

**(Also, things will get more interesting I swearr, I'll come up with an idea **_**better **_**than the teacups!) **


	5. BATHROOM TESTS

**AMUSEMENTSTUCK: ADVENTURE 5: BATHROOM TEST**

**Ph yeah I can totally write inappropriate things, in theory, but bathroom humor? LETS TAKE THREE DAYS AND EDIT IT SEVEN TIMES. Sorry guys. This was seriously the hardest chapter for me, and there's a serious risk of ooc ness. (hope not though) Chelsea actually had to HELP me write this, so this chapter is a combined effort. those who like raunchy humor will kind of enjoy this...?**

* * *

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you're sticky. No shut the fuck up, don't jump to conclusions. Your stickiness can be explained completely and honestly and without questionable content.

Well fuck that, you're talking about your adventures with Dave Strider.

For reasons you would not like to get into completely (_Dave_) you have actually indulged in that sugar bag (_force fed you cotton candy_). You lay now in a state of post consumption (_and you liked it_) bliss, still behind the nameless building in the shade. (_so you helped him tear apart the bag_). He too, is sticky, (_FUCK_) you can tell by how long it takes for his hands to come part after he claps them together.

He stands up, effectively making you plop sideways because you didn't realize you were leaning on him so readily.

"WHAT THE FUCK." you mutter, though considering your name is KARKAT VANTAS your muttering is upgraded to BLATANT SCREAMING.

Dave snaps to look at you, apparently in mid-step to somewhere.

"UH, THERE WAS A FUCKING BUG. AND I KINDA...FREAKED OUT."

"Freaked out is an understatement." he states, "I'm going to go get unsticky."

The mysterious shack-it wasn't ornate enough to be considered anything else other than possibly a tiki hut- behind you was apparently a bathroom. By the time you realized what your feet were doing they were leading you to the bathroom, right after Strider.

The room is probably the smallest it could possibly be while still fucking

containing the norms of a bathroom, and even that wasn't enough. There were still crowds of people. But then again five people could look like a army in here, so you and Strider are half of a battalion. There is also an unidentifiable odor in the air that threatens to make you heave. You've quickly made the decision to get out of there as fast as you fucking can.

You both occupy the double sinks, pumping your hands with bubble gum pink foam soap (of course for Strider there wasn't enough so he gave you a wet high-5 to steal some of yours.) and scrubbing profusely. The stick must be gone from your hands, and if it isn't, you worry you will have the ability to climb walls with your hands. Fuck.

You glance over to him casually (as one would just by chance do to someone who is fucking standing next to them), but suddenly he isn't there. "Strider where-"

"I need to take a piss." **(akakdkfjdnfnjfjckdjfjfjdjksk) (this is the reason it took me three days for a chapter)**

He says this from your other side, where the jet force hand dryers are. That drying force, enough to move the skin on your hand in a sick looking floppy fashion, isn't enough for Dave Strider, who wants really dry hands and handprints on his shorts. (FUCKING QUESTIONABLE CONTENT.) And with these handprints and an open fly, (FUCK EVERYTHING THIS IS A TEST) he greets the urinal with a stoic expression.

And as he approaches said urinal, your stomach/insidey parts begin to do gymnastics and then you determine you need to go as well. There's no vacancies in any of the other urinals, other than the one RIGHT NEXT TO DAVE STRIDER.

Yes, okay, fate is fucking testing you. And for fucks sake you can't even figure out why it is that you consider this a test. Testing what? Your curiosity complex or your ability to mess everything the fuck up just by being there? You were going to mess up everything. You just were.

You approach the urinal next to him, giving up. You can't even get started before the sugar in your veins starts buzzing through you, in a massive wave of what the fucking fuck. You are now a jittering mess of rocking-back-and-forth on your heels, which is awkward enough when you aren't in a fucking bathroom. Your luck is approximately none.

You, KARKAT VANTAS, are NOT going to take advantage of this moment.

THIS _IS _ A FUCKING TEST.

Even one glance tells you as much as you need to know.

1) You are going to the stall right now. (Thank gog it's finally empty, though wait, everything still smells, you might not thank that yet.)

2) ...

3) ... ?

4) DAVE STRIDER HAS A FIRE HOSE IN HIS PANTS.

You literally ollie out of that predicament, flying to the stall as Dave's head slowly turns to you with a strangely satisfied expression that you barely catch. And if you did catch it, you would have torn it apart with your bare fucking hands. Because that is entirely tangible!

When you're in the stall, you feel so close to a GAME OVER you cannot even notice how agonizingly cramped this place is and how many penises are inscribed into the wall with various colors of permanent markers. (A fucking rainbow of penis.) And when you do, all you can do is wonder "WHAT THE FUCK, SHOULDN'T PEOPLE BE TOO FUCKING BUSY SHITTING TO DRAW FUCKING PENISES EVERYWHERE?" but yes, some of the ridiculous human crowd does have a touch of art talent.

You never fucking said that.

After your business was taken care of, and all the penises were thoroughly examined (more like scratched out with your FUCKING FINGERNAILS) (not.), you attempt to unlatch the complicated looking lock that trapped you inside this penis prison. It was a bolt lock, with an attachment piece of fucking confusion.

You're staring at it for a moment, then you decide it would be best to kick it. You realize later, totally ironically, just how many ways you could have gotten out of that bathroom without kicking the door, but you never thought of that. You wanted to take all your anger and put it in your foot and then aim it at the fucking door.

The force of your kick does nothing but shake the foundations of the universe. Not really.

The lock is still intact and your shoe is now screaming in protest.

You machine gun kick it, going batshit crazy because FUCK YOU THE PENISES ARE SURROUNDING YOU.

And then it breaks in midkick and you fly out by your own momentum, breathing heavily.

Dave is leaning against the wall in the now empty bathroom with a smirk on his face.

"Had fun?" he asks.

"FUCK YOU STRIDER."

"It sounded like you were, actually."

What. FUCKING WHAT. YOU FUCKING DAVE STRIDER?

**====GAME OVER.**

**==== RESPAWN**

You are now KARKAT VANTAS, outside the tiki butt bathroom.

You repeatedly assure yourself that the events preceding this moment never happened. Your face is still warm from that encounter however, you're happy he left you alone for a moment after your angry stamp out.

That never happened!

* * *

Your name, er, position is now DAVE STRIDER's CELLPHONE and you have just received a vital text message. Then again, anything to you is vital, you are a phone, you cannot tell the difference.

New Message! You flash and do a helpful beep to direct attention. Your owner slides you out of his pocket with a smirk on his face.

New Message: hey dave how is it going with karkat?

Thumbs swipe across your keyboard, which, if you had feelings, you'd imagine would tickle a little. But no, you are unfeeling, and you take his response back to the intended source.

Sent Message: fanfuckingtastic. actually if i was having any better of a time i wouldn't know what to do with myself. he's just perfect.

* * *

**FINAAAALLLYYYYYYYJSKDJXJDJD.**

**I think my new favorite POV is DAVE STRIDER's CELLPHONE. And for the record I do not intend to actually write as Dave...or do I? Suspense! Who texted Dave? Was Dave being sarcastic? (no, I can actually answer that one, he wasn't) and will Karkat ever calm the fuck down? Or admit that he has feelings that may or may not be directed at Dave's fire hose? I want to hear your predictions! **

**Also I don't think I'll use any more "command" functions, I just think the game over is cool. Reviewers, tell me how not funny this was! Or how funny it was! Whatever!**

**Coming Up: FUCKING TUNNEL OF WHAT NOW. (NOT LOVE!)**

**(there's only 4 or so more chapters left!)**


	6. TUNNEL TESTS

**NEW AMUSMENTSTUCK: ADVENTURE #6**

**TUNNEL OF TESTS**

**I swear to gog if I keep on writing DaveKat my head will explode. #giftficissues  
Next chapter should release Chelsea's fanart of the Teacup scene, which is honestly the most adorable thing I've ever seen... **

"ALRIGHT STRIDER, WHAT'S NEXT ON YOUR FUCKING AGENDA?" You, being KARKAT VANTAS, spit (metaphorically, no actual spit was thrown) at Dave as he finally walks out of the bathroom, slipping something in his pocket you cannot fathom to ask about.

He glances to you behind his dark frames, as composed as ever. "I don't know, what would you like to do, Vantas? I am not the only member of this expedition throughout the jungle known as this amusement park."

"IF I HAVE THE SLIGHTEST INKLING OF WANT FOR ANY OF THESE THINGS I WILL MAKE SURE TO FUCKING MAKE YOU AWARE."

He raises his eyebrows just above his sunglasses. "You tell me when you want anything." Gog fucking damn it why did he sound so fucking alluring just then. "I have an idea, and don't get immediately turned off by it."

"I'M HANGING ON EVERY FUCKING WORD YOU SAY." Then you add, "BECAUSE ALL OF YOUR OTHER FUCKING IDEAS WERE JUST FANTASTIC. MAY I REMIND YOU OF THE TEACUPS?"

Dave doesn't even listen to you, at least you don't think he does but there is a twitch of a smile on his face. "No wait, I'm not even going to bring it up, you're just gonna come with me." And then he grabs your hand and you are like "SERIOUSLY WHEN THE FUCK WILL THIS MAKE ANY SENSE" and you're being nicely pulled and you don't mind.

You would like to take a moment to appreciate the feel of Dave's hand in yours. In fact, these paragraphs will be so brief that as a partaker in this story one can skip through this. Actually you wish they would because you really don't like fucking admitting that you like it. You like his soft hands, his nimble fingers, gosh did he use moisturizer or some human bullshit-it's just the best thing having his fingers laced through your harsh gray toned ones. And you refuse to say anything and show anything except "fuck you" and the awesome attempts you've had at trying to kick him while simultaneously moving.

He stops at the first location that looks about as empty as the inverse of every other location. As in, the place was freaking deserted. You weren't even sure if it was operational, but you know fuck asking questions you are KARKAT VANTAS you'll just wait for the answers to fucking come to you.

Dave pulls you into what could have been the waiting area if people were actually waiting there. It's all a little unnerving to you, wait you want all those fucking people here? It's a tunnel, significantly cooler than the outside and lit with these little fucking dot lights built in and laced with a maze of fucking rails. The lights cast too much shadow and there wasn't enough windowd

You think for a moment about how you could be murdered and no one would fucking know in here.

Dave believes this is the best time to test out his abilities as a flying squirrel kangaroo cross and you are flying over the rails like you had a time pressing reason to be there. It's three times more apparent that when you make it to the front, no one has been there in a long time.

'THE TUNNEL OF HORRORS' read a banner in dripping red type. The corny decorations do nothing to prove that banner as a fact. There's a vampire painted three feet to the left that looks just about as friendly as a bowl of broccoli the and as about as scary as count chocula. And yes you fucking love that cereal. Everything else is chipped and vandalized enough so that you can't tell shit from wallpaper. Your hand is suddenly cold when you realize Dave has let go.

"UMM." you can have no comment.

"Yeah, it looks kind of ridiculous. But really, this place is pretty hot."

"I FEEL FUCKING COLD."

"I didn't mean that literally."

You actually expect some suave move from Strider along the lines of random arm draping. You cannot expect these things. You are not dating. Fucking hell you aren't.

Since there's no line and the three or so bored looking teenagers were super surprised to see anyone, it took a minute for a rickety painted cart to come rolling through. There was no fucking lecture on keeping your hands in the cart or whatever for some reason, probably the shock still, and then before you could really get settled, you were off, following a predetermined track into the darkness. Strider did nothing, you were both smushed together in a cart obviously not meant for two individuals. You can't say you don't mind it.

Yeah it was darkness. Real fucking darkness. Death will come swiftly for you in this darkness. Okay so what exactly did Troll Will Smith do in One Sassy Agent and One Old Agent Join Forces to Destroy an Alien Plot for Giant Cockroaches Taking Over the World Also With An Equally Sassy Talking New Yorker Dog to avoid being killed in the darkness? Well it would have fucking helped if you saw that movie...

And then, as if someone flicked a switch, there was suddenly popping noises. You flail around in confusion, because seriously what the fuck, and Dave puts his arm around your shoulders to keep you from jumping put of the cart, as finally the popping noise makes logical sense.

You cannot be surprised not really, you're crushed against the side of Dave Strider as kooky noises begin playing on an automated soundtrack.

"HoNk!"

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

"What? Everything's cool here."

"YEAH, ICE COLD LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING COOLER. NOW SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT NOISE."

"Things are popping up all around us and you're asking me to pinpoint on a certain noise you have determined to be not of the norm?" he looks at you with a sly smile.

You feel the need to grumble and close your eyes because everything is turning Orphan Boy Wins Trip to Chocolate Factory and Ends Up Becoming Chocolate Factory's Heir After Drinking Too Much Bubbly Soda here with these ridiculous strobe lights. There are cardboard cut outs of ghosts that attempt to scare you but instead just look like morons. Everything here is a moron. Even Strider, sometimes.

"HoNk!"

That seems to be the scariest thing in the damn place. It sounds like... No no no that can't be it.

These are very obvious foreshadows you realize, and no one ever needs the drama. It's Gamzee, no point fucking hiding it, because who else makes honks in the middle of dark tunnels? Honk is not a thing people say. Trucks say it, but it's never the same.

Now the "scary" part is trying to find him. And then discovering why the hell he was there, probably peering at you while Strider tried to snuggle in the darkness. (That was an over exaggeration... Sadly.) (wait what)

Dave of course, doesn't notice how your eyes are scanning everything, barely popping when something ridiculous runs out and demands your fucking attention. Well, he does notice, but at least he doesn't understand why. Did you mention he was kind of staring at you? Seems fucking important enough.

Your feelings about Strider are muddled at best. You can't decide if you hate him from his emotionless face down to his lank teenage body that just screamed perfection...or if you're just confused. Wow, this seems rather out of character, maybe it's the sugar. Sugar makes you overthink things, overthink the arm cradling your shoulder and the (what are you going to do) face that was moving ever so fucking slowly (look at all this tension)-

And then it wasn't. And then it was Gamzee, flopping down from the ceiling, sprawling across the hood

of this makeshift vehicle. It was groaning under this newfound weight. The cart even slowed down just a tad.

You cannot hold all this rage and confusion. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU RIDICULOUS EXCUSE FOR A FRIEND?"

"Sup motherfuckers."** He glances up at you both with a dazed expression. In one hand is a bottle of Faygo, half finished and swishing as he twitched. "So my chill bro, I see you're in the middle of some sweet lovin'," he motioned to Strider who looked like he was about to have a fit of laughter. You will castrate them all.

"WHAT THE FUCK GAMZEE. WE ARE CLEARLY TRYING TO ENJOY THIS PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR HUMAN ENTERTAINMENT." you try and maintain as much cool as you can. You're not good at this. Stoner Gamzee however cannot tell. He raises his eyebrows provocatively at the two of you.

"Alright motherfucker, whatever you say. I still say there's some sweet somethin' going on-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP GAMZEE BEFORE I SHOVE THAT GOGFORSAKEN BOTTLE OF FAYGO DOWN YOUR THROAT."

Gamzee smiles, as he slowly slid back down over the front of the cart. You were shocked for a moment, then you realized you didn't give a shit. Gamzee was somehow smart enough to not get run over by the fucking tracks, and was waving at you from the tunnel when you clambered out, three feet from the exit.

Yeah, you were completely freaked out by the paper zombies.

Your sarcasm is so obvious even Dave senses it when he runs out after you. He doesn't ask what was wrong, because yes, he knows it's very creepy for someone to descend from the ceiling to 'check up on you' and then slither away just as quickly. He simply just smirks and comments there are three more things to do that day.

Three more things.

What's next, Egbert jumping out of a cake?

**Woo so many troll movie refs in this chapter. If anyone has trouble figuring them out, the first was Men in Black and the second was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the older one, and he's talking about the tunnel scene. KARKAT BROKE THE FOURTH WALL I AM SO PROUDDD.**

**** yes I am not using gamzee's quirk. Autocorrect will personally have my head for that.**

**And yep I am so tried of DaveKat and it's no ones fault but my own. I need to get inspired. If any of my lovely readers has time, could they check out the "Upcoming Fanfiction" section of my profile and maybe PM me with one you find interesting? Thankkkies.**


	7. BACK AND FORTH TESTS

AmusementStuck Adventure #7: BACK AND FORTH AND BACK AND FORTH

**I would like to thank Soul-Whisperer for their idea for the ride in this chapter~ see, reviewers I totally use ideas when you give them to me! Only a few chapters left to go!**

**The "official" fanart for AmusementStuck as done by the co-idea-lady Chelsea has been released on my Tumblr. http: / caldestrider. tumblr .com / post/ 23695487504 (no spaces!) Check it out! It's the teacup scene!**

**Also, this chapter is done mostly in text messages...sorry but I had to!**

ADVENTURE#7

Three more things he said, it won't take long at all he said. Just another fucking ride whose "sheer ironic movement was enough to warrant a visit from them" he said. Whatever that meant. You stopped trying to understand Strider after the bathroom incident.

Just another fucking line, and being KARKAT VANTAS, you are really getting tired of them. At this point it isn't even the people that are annoying you, or the line that moves slowly inch by inch like agonizing bucket torture-nope it's the sun. It's way past noon, way past where it could have been the most annoying, but it is still beating down on you like some molten lava brandishing a bat. There's nothing you can do to escape it except stand there, exchange banter with Dave as your pocket buzzes. Wait what.

Congratulations! You have been upgraded, a new character has been unlocked.

Your new title is now KARKAT VANTAS's CELLPHONE and you too are about as annoyed as your owner is.

Oh who am I kidding-you are a phone. You know nothing of annoyance. The only thing you know is this pocket, and it's fabric shielding you from the worst of the shocks happening outdoors. All there is for you is a message screen, vibrating and lighting up. Wow, whoever is texting you is pretty desperate.

**EB: hey karkat!**

**EB: karkatttttttt!**

**EB: are you still with dave?**

**EB okay dont answer if you're with dave.**

**EB: okay that plan didn't work...**

**EB: so are you still with dave?**

**EB: karkat**

**EB: karkitty**

**EB: karkeys**

**CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT EGBERT I AM IN A STATE OF MELTING**

**EB: hehe**

**CG: IT'S FUCKING HOT OUT. I AM AN ICE CUBE OF A TROLL, SOON ENOUGH I WILL BE A PUDDLE OF LIQUID SO HUMOROUSLY IRONIC THIS NOOKSUCKER WILL LAUGH HIS FUCKING LUNGS OFF.**

**EB: are you talking about dave? tell him i said hi! is it really that hot out?**

**CG: NO, I WILL NOT SAY HI TO HIM. HE IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND WILL MOST LIKELY TAKE IT AS SOME SLY WAY OF COMING ONTO HIM. AND YES, IT IS SWELTERING. THIS DOES NOT PREVENT THE DROVES OF MORE HUMANS FROM JOINING THIS LINE.**

**EB: hehe "coming onto him". does that mean what i think it means?**

**CG: WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND.**

**CG: WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT**

**EB: oh nothing hehe**

**CG: YOU SOUND LIKE THE JADE HUMAN. WHAT DO YOU HAVE CLICHED ROMANCE IDEAS STUFFED UP YOUR FUCKING BUTT OR SOMETHING WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO INTERESTED**

**EB: i think i would notice if there was something in my butt**

**EB: and i'm interested because it's dave and you alone in a park with various amounts of activities to do**

**CG: I SERIOUSLY CAN BELIEVE YOU WOULDN'T NOTICE THESE THINGS. AND OKAY SO YOU'RE STILL MAKING AS MUCH SENSE AS GAMZEE.**

**EB: gamzee came? woooooooow.**

**CG: YEAH YEAH HE DID. DURING A REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT MOMENT TOO.**

**EB: oooooooooohhh**

**CG: I AM TALKING ABOUT THE MOVEMENT BETWEEN THE FIRST POPUP GHOST AND THE ONE YOU AREN'T EXPECTING. LIKE WOAH THAT ONE COMPLETELY FUCKING SURPRISED ME RIGHT THERE. WHAT THE FUCK.**

**EB: riiiiiight.**

**CG: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.**

**EB: you do know im talking to dave too right?**

**CG: WELL THAT DOES EXPLAIN HOW WE'VE BEEN NOT SAYING ANYTHING FOR THE PAST FEW MINUTES.**

**EB: aww**

**CG: I WILL RIP OUT YOUR INNARDS AND WEAR THEM AS A HAT**

**EB: well that isn't nice.**

**CG: DO YOU NOT TAKE ME SERIOUSLY? I HAVE LONG CLAWS AND I WILL FUCKING USE THEM.**

**EB: Kaaaaarrrkkkaaattt**

**CG: WHAT**

**EB: do you like daaaaaveeeee?**

**-carcinoGeneticist disconnected-**

And then the world plunged into familiar darkness. Being in a pocket sure kills time.

Well this is rather fucking anti climatic.

You are now DAVE STRIDER's CELLPHONE and you decide to jump in on this friend action. You are so much cooler than KARKAT's phone, honestly. Your cellular sense of pride is reflected in your clean screen, even though this whole little tangent happened moments earlier.

**EB: dave! hey!**

**TG: whats up egderp?**

**EB: karkat is up.**

**TG: up for what**

**EB: a platonic bro feelings jam**

**TG: i will choose to ignore that phrasing**

**TG: what on earth are you doing now**

**EB: well technically i'm sitting at this computer while annoying pretty much everyone**

**TG: arent you supposed to be in bed with some ridiculously over-exaggerated case of like...athletes foot or something?**

**TG: oh wait athletes foot is for people who actually go outside**

**EB: youre so funny oh my gog i cant laugh hard enough there is a chance i could just choke on a keyboard right now**

**TG: you know me, bustin' out sweet jokes**

**TG: everyone else be just broke**

**TG: you may think i'm just a hoax**

**TG: but really i'm hotter than toast**

**EB: okay yep shut up now hehe before you even go on a rap tangent**

**TG: you be bustin out the sarcasm**

**TG: just thought i'd whip out something more entertaining than that because oh boy john egberts sarcasm just wounds me**

**EB: hehe okay cool dave. where are you guys now?**

**TG: we are on a ride, spiraling into the air actually, thanks for asking**

**EB: what line are you guys on?**

**TG: why do you want to know are you gonna pop in here and ruin this day like that**

**TG: er what was his name-gamzee yeah he came too and he sucked whatever happiness i was able to obtain with like a high powered emotions vacuum.**

**EB: sounds rough**

**ectoBiologist connection was disrupted.**

**TG: what did i do wrong**

**TG: was it the next sentence**

**TG: the one i was typing**

**TG: was that the one that did it?**

**TG: i'm sorry john**

**TG: i'm gonna have a phone funeral for you where we bury your connection and you along with it**

**TG: it'll be so cool okay and i'll play the sendoff song**

**TG: and then whammy you're alive and it's a christmas miracle**

**TG: face it i made a better plot than any of your dumb movies just now**

**-turntechGodhead disconnected-**

It's rather boring being a cellphone.

Reset back to Player One character.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you're very tempted to smash your blocky phone like it was play dough between your fingers. Then again, even as you give it a testing squeeze, the block doesn't seem to want to give into your anger. You don't blame it, your anger is quite remarkable if you do say so yourself.

You glance upward at DAVE, who is sitting on the handrail with his own phone in his lap. He's not looking at it, or any of the crowds around you, nope. His sunglassed eyes are looking only at you.

"HEY STRIDER."

"Yeah?"

"WERE YOU TALKING TO EGBERT TOO, JUST NOW?"

"Yep. Why, you troubled Krabby? Afraid he'll spill all your troll secrets?" a small smile cocks up on his face.

You frown. As if your face was capable of even more frowning. "YEAH SURE. FUCKING TROLL SECRETS. I WOULDN'T SHARE ANYTHING WITH HIM EVEN IF I WAS ON MY DEATHBED."

"Oh I doubt that. You can say powerful things when you think you're about to die."

Your arms cross over your chest. You feel as if there was a hidden foreshadowing in that statement that is now becoming more obvious the more you state it so bluntly. "I DON'T THINK SO." you reply with a huff and then you realize bam-la-doo you have made it near the front of the line. There's more gawky teenagers, who seem to be gawking at more than just the obscene amount of overweight individuals who are attempting to strap into the buckle.

They're looking at you, and whispering.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STARING AT?" you jab at them. Strider is momentarily distracted by your face to glance over to them.

It takes the red worker bees of human beings a moment to collaborate on a final answer. You are impatient as they talk, because of course you could have gotten on the ride already but they chose now to make a comment. Dave is opening and closing his mouth like a gaping, as if rethinking something he wanted to say.

"OKAY FUCKERS, YOU REALIZE THERE IS NO HEIGHT LIMIT ON THIS RIDE? I CAN BE AS SHORT AS I WANT. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ABOUT?"

They all glance up from their makeshift huddle. "Well, um, sir..."

"SPIT IT OUT ALREADY."

"We think you're suffering from acute kidney failure."

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE TOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"I think they're talking about your luminously yellow eyes." Dave comments, which doesn't help the situation at all, nope. Also, why luminous?

"I CAN ASSURE YOU FUCKTARDS THAT I AM NOT DYING." you tell them, but they continue to babble about calling an ambulance. "HEY MORONS. I'M A TROLL. A FUCKING TROLL. I DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU, THANK FUCKING GOG."

"But sir-"

"WELL FUCK YOU TOO. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND FUCKING ANYTHING AT ALL DO YOU. I WILL PERSONALLY FUCKING-"

And just like last time, before you could really go off on them, Strider was pulling you through to get on the damn ride. No one argues, except you.

"GOGDAMNIT FUCK ALL OF YOU-"

The ride Strider pulls you on is a little different from the average roller-coaster. It's just a block, filled with seats, suspended a couple of feet in the air by large bars. There are people everywhere, and somehow you get a spot together near the edge.

"Why do all these pointless things happen to us? I mean seriously, it's border lining ridiculous."

"IT'S NOT BORDER LINING RIDICULOUS, IT'S BEEN INVADED BY RIDICULOUS AND TAKEN OVER IN A GRAND ACT OF FUCKING IMPERIALISM."

Dave laughs, and you feel somewhat accomplished. That doesn't last long, as you are faced with another mental challenge as a large harness piece floats down and snaps in. It's like the boa constrictor of harnesses, and it grips down on you with hard rubber claws.

"SO THIS RIDE JUST GOES...FROM SIDE TO SIDE?" you ask.

"Sure." Dave responds with a smirk. You make sure to look at the fucking ride before you ever get on one. You thought you learned the last time, but this time John was bothering you both.

There are no more words exchanged between you as the giant block begins to move. It's a nice and easy swaying back and forth motion, not scary at all. You could see the ends of the park from the tallest height, it was exhilarating.

You barely notice it increasing speed. Finding yourself laughing at all the idiots that were screaming, you turn your face to Strider and yell out a string of obscenities. He thought you would be-woaaah what the fuck?

"GOGFUCKINGDAMNITSTRIDERYOU'RETRYINGTOFUCKINGKILLME!" you yell up into the sky. Strider is laughing because apparently that's what Striders do when their friends are in peril. You feel your bottom slowly lift from the seat as you go around and around and HOLY FUCK YOU ARE GOING TO FALL OUT OF THIS THING AND TO AN UNTIMELY DEMISE.

You're not even exaggerating. The block flips upside down, and your insides are churning as the gravitational pull on this ridiculous planet pulls you down towards the ground-a ground that is slowly about to hit you where it hurts.

And then it all stops.

You are hovering in midair, slowly slipping from these terrible excuses for protective bars and WHAT DO YOU FUCKING DO OTHER THAN SCREAM AT STRIDER AS YOU BOTH HOVER OVER THE GROUND?

"STRIDER I'M FALLING OUT."

"What?"

"FUCK DAMN IT, STRIDER IF YOU LOV-"

You fall back, the back of your head high fiving the seat behind you as the momentum slips you into place. Everyone is screaming, though the ride is over.

"If I what...?" Dave asks. His sunglasses are still on his face and not a hair out of place. Fuck that rhymed. Either way he was the oracle of fucking perfection while you looked like you just escaped a gang bang.

"SHUT UP STRIDER." you grumble, your legs still wobbly as you escape the wooden block. You can't even look at him. What were you about to say just then? "IF YOU LOVE ME YOU'LL SAVE ME?" You cannot speak of love...yet. Minor adoration is somewhat acceptable. You're being stupid.

Almost as stupid as those stupid worker bees you graciously flip off as you stalk away further into the carnival section of the amusement park.

**I think that was the most in-character Dave ever. I personally like writing as the cellphones. **

**And yeah, this may seem a little choppy. My idea for the ride was taken from Dorney Park in PA, where there is this big ship thing that instead of going from left to right it goes forward and back for like 3 seconds, hovers over the ground and then snaps back to normal. I used this because I remember taking one of my guy friends on it and during the hovering part, the bar was apparently hurting him because he screamed out "MY BALLS". Best ride ever.**

**Remember to check out the fanart! **

**http: / caldestrider. tumblr. com/ post/ 23695487504**


	8. GUN TESTS

**AmusementStuck: Part Eight**

**GUN TESTS**

**PHEW! AmusementStuck was taken down temporarily because of a mishap with the rating. All is well now, though everyone should update your bookmarks because the number associated with the story has changed. It would have sucked to have lost the story this far in the game-because this crappy fanfiction o'mine is almost finished!**

**(EDIT: _my account was suspended because of the ratings mishap, this is why the chapter is so late. lo siento.)_**

**In other news, I caught up to Homestuck.**

How one can deal with music as annoying and repetitive as this is beyond your understanding, but then again, being KARKAT VANTAS, you always have something to he annoyed at. You assume it's a special talent of yours rivaled by no other.

Except maybe DAVE STRIDER, who's ability to look painstakingly emotionless would probably earn him a million dollars on one of those fucking talent shows. Maybe even get his own afternoon special. The fucking Emotionless Man, he would have fanboys and fangirls alike.

You don't really want to think about the fanpeople, no matter how hypothetical they are.

However, Dave wasn't hypothetical. He is completely tangible, walking next to you. His eyes were too shaded to tell what exactly he was looking at, though you guess he was looking at the stands. They were on either side of you two, with games and oversized prizes-more lines- and screaming people.

You pass a group of screamers as apparently they have won a prize. You think that if you were the other guy, the tired guy who runs it, you would have punched them in the face and tell them they were lucky enough their prize wasn't death. But you aren't the other guy...yet. You look at the game though, it seems simple enough, you even stop to examine it further. The screaming group of individuals seem to have one a shady looking teddy bear that looks about three tugs to falling apart.

"Do you want to try it, Vantas? Do you want a widdle teddy bear?" Dave says over your shoulder.

"SHUT UP. BUT YES, ACTUALLY I WOULD LIKE TO TRY IT." you say, glancing over your shoulder. "BECAUSE IT WILL BE SO FUCKING EASY."

Dave smirks again, sliding over to the front of the stand, you follow along with him, not regretting a single decision ever in that moment, for once.

You are now the other guy. And you're quite insulted you don't have a name. Honestly, you realize you aren't important enough to really have any form of characterization, but you'll humor yourself and believe that you are Walter. Walter who doesn't do anything much but serve as a handy plot device for all sorts of characters that come across your stand. You have witnessed the beginning of relationships, of awkward first touches and grinning first wins. People take advantage of your teddy bears, and use them for things beyond your intended purpose.

Eww no, not like that. You forget how easily swayed we are by somewhat perverted comments. You meant they were used as tools for romance, in PUBLIC.

Anyway, you digress.

Today was like every other day for you, screeching teenagers, cautious adults with three year old cowboys, but for some reason, not a single couple. The night is still young, you think, they'll start coming in droves and then you'll get sick of them. (Probably because all you have to look forward to at home is more goddamn teddy bears.)

Another hollering set of teenage girls flitted past, literally hugging their meager prize to their chests as if the bear would be absorbed into them. Jfc, they're .99 cent teddy bears from Japan! Why is everyone taking you so seriously?

And instantaneously, two boys replace them.

One leans against the counter lankily, the cover boy for all things NSYNC. Blond, wind swept hair, dark sunglasses, smooth clear skin... (Hold it with these descriptions people will think you're a pedophile.) You hardly notice him hand you a couple of dollars, jerking his head to the other boy who was examining the gun as if it was an alien.

Then again, he kind of looked like one.

You weren't exactly in a place where you could openly insult someone, being at least 50 years old and looking like a truck hit you 30 minutes ago, with a lame combover and a plaid shirt that reeked of drugstore cologne, but this kid looked weird. In the light, the quickly decaying light, his skin looked gray, his hair interrupted by a headband with giant candy corns on it. Yep, you could say nothing, other than how the second the lanky boy gave you the money, all he did was look at the gray boy.

Oh this is a weird couple.

"This game is pretty simple, just use the air rifle to shoot at the targets. The amount of targets you hit dictates the teddy bear you can choose." you explain, watching the gray boy get even more confused.

"Don't tell me you've never shot a gun before, Karkat." the blond boy muses, a smirk on his face.

"THIS WILL BE SO EASY, I AM ASSURED. EASY AS SLIME PIE."

"I thought you weren't supposed to eat the slime pie."

"YES, I MEANT IT WAS EASY TO AVOID. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I MEANT?"

"You're fucking incredible, really..." the blond boy chuckles, getting up from his laid back position. You can't figure out what he was laughing at, Karkat's expression or his words.

Also Karkat is a funny name.

You honestly don't want to watch this ridiculousness. If you still drank you would have thought you had passed out or was hallucinating.

Time to stare at the teddy bears.

You're so stupid even the guy who runs the stand is looking away.

Yes, you, Karkat Vantas, have handled a gun. However, not one as long as this. What did it mean when the gun was the length of your shoulder down to your waist? Were you stubby or was this gun just big?

Dave is up behind you, inches away, watching you figure out how to aim. You raise the gun up to your chest, the butt end on your collarbone, and pull the trigger mercilessly. A whole one time.

"HOLYFUCKWHATTHE?"

The gun, in turn, PUNCHED YOU IN THE CHEST. "OWWW."

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, they have a pretty bad kickback." the guy behind the counter said, one minute too late. You're about to threaten to castrate him like the worthless asshole he is, but suddenly Dave's hands are at your waist, then to your shoulders, adjusting you slightly so that you could aim at the target. This is not what you were expecting. At all.

"See, now just raise the gun to your shoulder." Dave says quietly.

"HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO AIM A GUN?"

"I play videogames, I thought you knew that."

"VIDEOGAMES AND REAL LIFE ARE TWO *COMPLETELY* DIFFERENT THINGS." you mutter, which is kind of like speaking at a normal volume for KARKAT VANTAS.

"Not really." you can feel his breath in your ear as both of your arms raise up. Three more shots. All of them have to hit in order for you to win the biggest teddy bear there, the creepiest one, the one that glared at them. You wanted to win it to scare Dave somehow.

Giant teddy bears are always terrifying.

His hand curls around yours, and both of your fingers press the trigger.

The kickback isn't as bad this time around.

Another kickback, you're feeling kind of sore.

And the third one barely hurts at all.

The second the third target goes down though, Dave pulls away like he had a burned hand. You win your giant teddy bear. You don't know what to think exactly.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT TOUCHING FOR, STRIDER?" you ask as you walk away, towing the twenty pound bear.

He doesn't answer right away. "What do you think it was about?"

"IF I HAD ANY INKLING OF AN IDEA I'M PRETTY SURE I WOULD HAVE JUST MENTIONED IT."

"I wanted to ensure we have joint custody of the giant teddy bear. His name is Beyonce."

"WHAT?"

"It's an ironic name!"

"WHO SAID YOU WERE THE PARENT?"

**OKAY YES THIS WAS REALLY REALLY STEREOTYPICAL! I swear I tried to mix it up!**

**Walter is my favorite pedophile.**

**Beyonce my favorite bear. XD**

**You guys know the drill I REQUEST REVIEWS. Did I make you laugh? :D**

**Only one more chapter left now! The finale! GET READY!**


	9. THE FINAL TEST

**AMUSEMENTSTUCK CHAPTER 9**

**The Final Test**

**THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE BIG ONE. THE CHAPTER TO END ALL CHAPTERS. THE FINAL DRABBLE. Thanks for sticking with me this long, guys. :DDD**

**Since someone guessed the ending, I CHANGED IT. YOLO!**

**In other news, a tumblr user who goes by Dirk's user handle won the 60th follower fanfic. Woot.**

**-ectoBiologist began pestering turntechGodhead-**

**EB: dave it's getting dark out!**

**EB: when are you coming home?**

**EB: ...are you coming home?**

**EB: oh gog don't go to his hive**

**EB: its too early for that!**

**TG: the cover of night promises nothing egbert.**

**TG: also**

**TG: will you shut your bucktoothed face roomie hes right over there**

**EB: oh :B**

**TG: were gonna go on those flying carts**

**EB: flying carts?**

**turntechGodhead is away: busy MAKKING OUT WITH BEYONCE**

**EB: what kind of screwed up petname is that dave?**

**EB: all the single ladies have nothing to do with karkat**

**EB: or do they? hee.**

**EB: i am a comedic genius! :B**

**TG: no you are not**

**TG: go make out with the fish boy while im not around to throw silverware at you**

**EB: hey!**

**turntechGodhead is away: GO MAKE OUT WITH THE FISHBOY. THREESOME!**

**(pagebreak nooksuckers)**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BEST RIDE IS YET TO COME. YOU'VE SAID THAT ABOUT EVERY RIDE WE'VE FUCKING ENCOUNTERED. YOUR STATEMENTS ARE PRETTY LACKLUSTER AT THIS POINT."

"If my statements are lackluster, than yours are wounding my fragile teenage girl self esteem. Next you're going to tell me I don't look good in my cape."

You, being KARKAT VANTAS, find yourself frowning and smiling at the same time-because DAVE STRIDER is fucking annoying as all hell but you're growing rather fond of him. Your contradicting emotions leave you with a rather SCREWED UP EXPRESSION, which if you could see you'd probably compare it to a constipated individual meeting a comedian. That metaphor was completely relevant, also relatable. Meanwhile in Dumb Expressions-Ville, Dave is too busy modeling his pink superman cape that you just won for him to notice you. You won it just next door to the gun stall, where you won your "ironic" teddy bear baby. (which you are currently toting around now like a ridiculous trophy wife.)

Holy fuck wait back up. Did you just use ironic in a sentence unironically?

"No, but seriously, Karkitty, this ride is the best." he says with a straight face. As if he wasn't literally teasing you to the point of breakdown.

"WHAT ESTABLISHES IT'S BETTER QUALITY AS COMPARED TO THE OTHER SHIT DUMP RIDES HERE?"

"Because it's the last one." he says as if it were obvious.

"WE'RE GOING HOME?"

"I was not aware of your sudden interest of coming to my house, Vantas. Oh wait, yes I was." he smirks.

You have the sudden urge to tear your eyebrows out. You believe this painful and slow activity will punish you enough for continuing to walk into this flirtatious jokes. And possibly your eyebrowless state will render you so unattractive that maybe they'll stop altogether. You're doing this because you like it.

"OH YOU *SO* CAUGHT ME." you say sarcastically. "BUT DID YOU FORGET WHO ELSE LIVES IN YOUR HOUSE?"

"Bro code dictates that if any roommate brings a girl home the other roommate pulls a Harry Potter in the Dursley's house."

"WHAT THE FLYING FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? ALSO I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL."

He makes the obvious head motion of looking you up and down. "Oh no you aren't." then he adds, "John would sit in his room, not making any noise and pretending he doesn't exist. And maybe later bring snacks and provide helpful commentary."

"ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?"

"Not about the snacks part, that derp only eats cake, there's no other food to be spoken of in the entire house." he flips his white blond hair dramatically, possibly to get it off his glasses as you stammer to come up with something coherent to say other than fuckass nooksucker. That can't always be your fallback! "No promises with the commentary. John claims to be an expert in these dark territories of mixed romance."

What the hell is he implying.

He comes up with something else to say before you do. "Here, there is the chariot that will bring us to the car." Dave cocks his head towards the SkyLine (as the sign dictates). There's no line, and the bubble of metal leads up into a cord in the rapidly darkening sky.

"THIS ISN'T EVEN A FUCKING RIDE. ITS A MODE OF TRANSPORTATION."

"Tell that to the guys that made Escalator Land." he pulls Beyonce, and eventually you, towards the giant egg shaped cart things. You comply only because your feet are seriously hurting you. Yes. That is the reason entirely. You don't want to think about like this is the plot of every troll romcom, where Dave Strider and the main character ride an oval metal bubble into the sunset. Nope.

The attendant grabs one of the eggs and nudges it towards you two. "Have one of you on each side. Anything else will unbalance it." he says blandly as you both climb inside. You sit next to Beyonce and Dave is across from you.

Then you're off.

For once, you're silent. Your eyes wander down to the rapidly shrinking landscape, of the lights finally being turned the rides, how all the people blurred together as one congealed mass of human...you had to say it looked nice. You're not one for noticing beauty in things.

"Hey Karkat."

You glance up. Instead of a cocky Strider you see, you find a more subdued one. His gaze is directed at the ground, but you hazard to guess his eyes are jammed upward to look at you. "YES?"

"I was...just wondering, did you have fun today with me?"

The silence settles between you two for a moment. A very long moment, you can almost see a twitch of expression in Dave's lips that's how long it was.

"OF COURSE I HAD FUN. CONSIDERING I'M PRETTY SURE I ALMOST DIED SEVERAL TIMES TODAY. I AM STILL DETERMINING WHETHER OR NOT THIS ALTERNATE REALITY IN WHICH I HAD FUN IS A DREAM OR A VERY REAL OCCURRENCE." Your shoes look very interesting beneath you, you notice. You're surprised you didn't scratch them.

Dave's face brightens. "You're implying that you're dreaming about me, that's a good sign."

Beyonce is flying at him quicker than he could have said "JUST KIDDING KARKAT!". It wacks him unceremoniously right in the sunglasses, which fall off in a display of force induced teddy bear action. Beyonce's plush buttocks protect them on the seat.

His eyes are closed suddenly. "Oh my gog you have hit me in the face with our daughter. I am so disoriented." He states, standing up and flailing.

The world teeters.

"HOLY FUCK YOU'RE UNBALANCING THE CART WILL YOU FUCKING STOP IT BEFORE WE FALL VICTIM TO YOUR PLANET'S GRAVITY?" you scream.

"Oh no, I'm insulted. How will I go on Karkat? Tell me how!" he places the back of his hand to his eyes in a mock showing of southern girl distress. He fell gracefully into the spot next to you, and by gracefully you mean he almost sat on you.

The cart lurched to the right, Beyonce hardly evened out the weight, and you have never feared more for your life than at that moment where the cart moved.

"THE FUCK, STRIDER, THE GUY SAID TO STAY ON OPPOSITE SIDES-"

"Oh woe is me!" his arm drapes around you and holds you close. You think about struggling but freeze instead, gazing up at his chin as his eyes peeked out.

You've never seen Dave's eyes before, nor have you even thought about them. You could blame it on always thinking that those shades WERE his eyes, making it impossible to see if he took them off. But no, Strider wasn't that unique. He glances down at you with blood red eyes, which look neither odd or normal, and pouts.

"I demand recompense." you can feel the breath that escaped from his lips, the heartbeat in his chest. Beyonce stared at you both with cold inanimate eyes.

"WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT." you glare down at his hands, which had locked around your back to keep you against him. If you really wanted to move, escape was easy, but you didn't resist.

"Look at me, Vantas." he states, and you look up, barely having a chance to register what was happening before-

Break!

Pause.

Rewind.

Play.

You'll flick back to those moments forever. Even moments after they happened, after lips locked and hands flared and all you could think about was how Dave tasted like cotton candy...

For now though, you are huffing and puffing, Dave stole your oxygen probably now and forever, and now he's looking at you rather smugly. "I have been somewhat satisfied." he announces, his eyes betraying his caution as he flips back to the other side of the egg, flinging Beyonce back at you. You barely catch it.

You feel like you're on the edge of an epiphany of sorts, but it's beyond your grasp. It's teasing you almost. What is in your grasp is Dave's cape, which you found yourself grabbing as you went back to his side of the egg. He glances back up, anti-gravity sunglasses in place.

"You ok, Karkat?" he looks back forward again. "Touching my cape I see."

"Fuck...I mean yes."

For once you aren't screaming. You blame him.

"So, everything kind of makes sense now." you continue, content with this volume. Apparently Dave is too. "You probably told Egbert to be sick."

He purses his lips. "Oh my you give me so much credit. That actually wasn't my idea, John wanted to hang out with that other friend of yours. It worked out in my favor." you realize why he isn't looking at you.

"Dave...I...uh...fuck..."

"Yeah I probably came on a little too strong."

"That's not fucking it! I mean..." you stutter and Dave is confused.

Wow, you're a terrible character for this situation. But we're stuck with you. Unless...

Your name is BEYONCE THE BEAR and no you will not act as a cop out method for this crackpot author. Back to KARKAT.

You're not good with emotions. It takes three tries of start and stops before Dave finally understands what you're trying to say. And you didn't even say anything. You gave up, and ended up kissing him again.

This was a very confusing day for you.

**Notice how this story doesn't say "complete" also notice the crappy ending.**

**Now, one question, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys or One Direction? I'm serious, I want your choice in my reviews.**


	10. YOU PASSED

**AmusementStuck**

**The Final Adventure**

**(I'm serious you guys. This is it!)**

**First off: the poll results. Ha! They meant nothing, I just love how everyone voted towards something when they have no idea what I meant to do with it.**

**Second: ignore that statement. One Direction won, then NSYNC, then two sad little votes for Backstreet Boys. (I feel for them.) thank you very much for voting! As a reward, you get this ridiculous excuse for a conclusion to this DRABBLE FIC! BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL FTW!**

**Who here likes implied Eridan/John? I like some implied Eridan/John. Hell yeah. **

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and wait holy fuck you're Dave Strider. How are you not KARKAT VANTAS, this is some trick I'm telling you! Imposter! This POV is impossible!

No, really, you're Dave Strider, and you've never been mixed up with your troll boyfriend ever before in your life. You're blond. He's...gray...

Wait did you just say boyfriend? Well yes, yes you did.

It's been two months, or so, since that amusement park incident. All the nuances were explained, every coolkid attempt to get his attention previously laughed at and nitpicked on...you were happy. As happy as you could be with an angry troll like him.

Alright can we go back to the orginial storyline? Thank you.

Your name is Dave Strider and you just crashed Karkat's apartment with totally ironic intentions.

You expected it to be the same as you left it, messy and void of any other person than the angry troll you were prepared to encounter with non-platonic hugs. But instead, after a declaration of "Honey, I'm home!" (a completely ironic statement if you do say so yourself) when you opened the door, you found yourself face-to-backside of a heaping pile of weeping Ampora. Weeping Ampora was currently shedding the tears of a thousand failed relationships right on the shoulder of your extremely attractive and extremely annoyed boyfriend. Or at least that's what you guess, it's not your job do that relationship-damage-control thing (at least with Ampora) as far as Karkat's emotions...well he wasn't very good at subtlety.

"ERIDAN WILL YOU CALM THE FUCK DOWN?" he says, to no avail. "IS YOUR PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A THINKPAN EVEN ABSORBING WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU NOW? YOU COME HERE FOR FUCKING ADVICE BUT YOU END UP SLOBBERING ALL OVER MY FAVORITE TURTLENECK."

More garbled fish speak. You can see how crumpled the troll's mohawk is getting, it's quite pitiful.

You feel kind of useless. You make a motion to Karkat of texting as you retreat into the bowels of his apartment. You'll get prepared as Eridan continues to sob tales of "He doesn't evven notice wwhat I'm trying to do-"

**TG: vantas did you go weirdo hunting again without me**

**TG: are we going to mount his head over our fireplace**

**TG: karkles**

**TG: why is eridan being emotional on your furniture**

**CG: NUMBER ONE, *NEVER* CALL**

**ME KARKLES, EVER AGAIN.**

**CG: AND FUCKING TAKE A GUESS AS TO WHY MY TURTLENECK IS CURRENTLY WET AS FUCK**

**CG: HERE'S A HINT I DIDN'T ACTUALLY FUCKING HIT HIM**

**CG: MY ANGRY HAND OF RELATIONSHIP JUSTICE DID NOT SLAP ACROSS HIS FACE I SWEAR**

**CG: OR AT LEAST THAT'S NOT WHY HE'S CRYING.**

**TG: okay well play a guessing game**

**TG: karkitty**

**TG: is it my wonderful derp of a roommate that cant tell flirt from fruit?**

**CG: OH WOW YOU SEEM TO BE PRETTY INFORMED ON THE SUBJECT**

**CG: STRI...DERP...**

**TG: the force at which your nickname has wounded me is comparable to a papercut.**

**TG: or a crick in the neck considering i am hiding in your bathtub.**

**TG: and john spends way too much time on that computer**

**TG: i am concerned about his health**

**TG: being a teen mom and all**

**TG: actually i don't give a flying fuck but i do know somewhat**

**CG: GET OUT OF THE BATHTUB BEFORE I RUN IN THERE AND TURN THE WATER ON SO SCORCHING HOT THAT YOUR T-SHIRT WILL BOIL.**

**CG: WILL YOU CARE TO ENLIGHTEN ME ON YOUR INSIGHT INTO THE ENGIMA THAT IS EGBERT'S MIND?**

**TG: who said i was wearing clothes?**

**TG: ha just kidding there is a fully clothed strider in the bathtub**

**TG: tell ampora that johns thicker than a bank safe when it comes to romance and that subtle attacks on his fort of heterosexuality will do nothing but confuse him more.**

**CG: WOW THAT WORKED.**

**CG: YOU HAVE INSTILLED A KIND OF HOPE THAT WILL LAST ERIDAN UNTIL THE SECOND JOHN DENIES HIM LIKE EVERYONE ELSE FUCKING DOES. HE WILL BE THE GROUND ZERO OF RELATIONSHIP ANGST.**

**TG: okay i win can i have my prize now?**

**CG: WHAT**

**TG: is he gone?**

**CG: YES.**

**TG: dont move.**

You climb out of the bathtub (you weren't kidding about being in there, it was an uncomfortable experience), nearly tripping as your hand fumbles in your pocket for your iPod. The password is ridiculously complicated ever since Bro decided it would be funny to unlock it and download a LOT of embarrassing content. Most of them were moans set over a remix of dubwubwub, and they were promptly erased from your life, but the other stuff wasn't. The other stuff was so ironic that you couldn't bear to erase it. A grown man listening to boy bands? You couldn't resist. And now that pays off. But shh, no spoilers.

You stroll into the living room, not even glancing at Karkat as you make your way to the only piece of anything that was inanimate and yours in the entire house, other than the toothbrush in the bathroom.

Your music tower. You got it for 69.99 at Best Buy and it seriously was the best boombox ever. You put it in Karkat's house to prevent John from playing his "peaceful" rainforest noises. Those seriously freak you the fuck out-who wants to hear a frog in the damn living room? But anyway, you plug your iPod into the one auxiliary cord, and the resulting feedback is enough to get Karkat's attention on the couch. He looks over, his face making a lopsided expression that was comparable to the ":/" face.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" he calls.

"I am stopping world hunger. I am deciding to take up a career as a stripper. I am contemplating buying life insurance." you reply automatically, surfing through the tracks. "And all I need is 25 cents a day."

"I AM NO LONGER QUESTIONING YOU. HOWEVER IF YOU DO BECOME A STRIPPER REMIND ME TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE."

Dum. Dah-Dum.

"Jealous are we?" you joke. "Oh, I'm flattered Mr. Vantas, but you know

my heart belongs to another." your accent slips and for once it actually made sense. You think you would have made a nice southern gentleman a while ago.

Dah-dah-dah-Dum. Dah-Dum. Pop pop pop.

You quickly dash to the couch, flipping over backwards so that your head was precisely where Eridan's butt was moments earlier-but fuck, you're not thinking about that. You flash your white hot gun fingers at him and mouth along to the words.

"You're insecure. Don't know what for."

"NO NO NO SHUT UP NOW WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD."

"Turning heads when you walk through the do-or-or."

Karkat literally buries his face in his hands because yes this is downright silly of you but who gives a fuck. You flip over completely, tumbling to the floor in front of him. Hands reaching up to make him see, you keep on acting like a moron and now he's forced to watch.

"Everyone else in the room can see it-everyone else but you-hoo."

"I SWEAR TO GOG STRIDER HEADS WILL ROLL IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP THIS INSTANT. YOUR FUCKING HEAD WILL BE MOUNTED-"

"Baby you light up my world like no body else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed-the way you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell-"

"I DON'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS."

Now you're on his lap, somehow making it there between 'like nobody else' and 'smile at the ground', and your sad excuse for dancing along is really starting to look like a lopsided drunk white guy trying to impress a t-Rex.

And said t-Rex is repressing a smile that you know is in there somewhere.

"You don't know-oh-oh you don't know you're beautiful!"

"YOU'RE VERY LAME I HOPE YOU REALIZE THIS. THIS IDEA YOU HAVE IS COMPARABLE TO THE MOST CLICHE OF ROMCOMS, ESPECIALLY YOUR HUMAN ONES."

"I thought the cheesiness of the amusement park would compliment nicely with this awesome song." your hands find the remote and the music is lowered. Still no comment as to why you were on his lap, and that is a small victory. Even the coolest of Striders cannot explain their intentions to their troll boyfriends without getting at least a little flustered. You kiss his nose, and work your way to his lips, like it was the easiest thing in the world.

You don't even notice your pocket buzzing as your mind sort of floats away.

**EB: dave help**

**EB: dave its eridan why is he at our house**

**EB: i don't have a fort of heterosexuality who the hell does**

**EB: what did you tell him?**

**EB: dave this is seriously the lamest thing you have ever done!**

**EB: i am going to tell karkat about your addiction to one direction**

**EB: so help me i will.**

LAMEST MOST IRRELEVANT ENDING EVER! WOOOOO.

Headcannon: Dave Strider is secretly a fan of boy bands.

Face it, you all ship John/Eridan now.

Seriously thanks for sticking this long with me, this was my first multi-chapter fanfic, and it really comforts me to see how everyone cares so much! :D Even though it was a Drabble-FIC, I'm happy it got this popular.

I'm starting some new DaveKat projects soon, so check them out! :D


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